sexuality

my sexuality is not often something i spake off , but a push from my mind leads me a blog . I am very high in energy and need to feed more often than most and have been told i am unethical with myself. I will not feed from anyone not a lifemate , I have been called a highly manipulative sexual feeder and indeed am but am misunderstood. I am a sexual catalyst healer and avoid personal relationships unless the connection is correct. I feel either judged or used and like niether. I like certain emotions and do not like being told for any reason ...so I tell myself no. How do I deal , by looking for what i need in a way that does not involve violating my morals or ethics. I change what I need into something else or feed from another emotion that makes me happy. Earth energy oftens helps with cravings , as does food i really enjoy that i feel is bad..laughs. I enjoy adult emotions but often what i find online is sick and immature and i do not enjoy it. I surf the adult sites and do not understand why you want the adult and porn so bad but feel it is so sick. The body is not something that is sick to look at , I enjoy watching people or all genders and sizes move , I like watching the emotions that they are feeling. Why do you think the body is so sick and yet want to watch it so badly. Admitting you enjoy being an adult should not be a hateful thing aimed at yourself or others. Why do we hide that we enjoy such things? Sexuality is a healing to yourself and others and should be enjoyed with mature adult emotions or not at all. Much of this is why I shut down from this kind of feeding. It leaves me feeling ...dead inside and with a sense of discustingness for the body , that i enjoy. I think the internet and all things adult sexuality need to be healed ... That is a war not one person can fight , but how do you change the way whole society feels about something that is to be shared in love that is healing? I do not know ..but will keep looking and working.